What is YOUR Tendency?

 The Four Tendencies

I'm not good with one liners.

I know what you're thinking... Anna, you're married.. you don't need one liners, but with blogging you want to be creative with one liners because the blog titles need to be poppin'! I'll be honest, I stink at coming up with a funny title. I can quickly think of something to write about, but that title though!!!!!!!

Today I am going to be talking about a book that I've been meaning to talk about for a while! In order to introduce the book I need to talk about Podcasts. For a while I was really interested in Podcasts. Recently with lessened free time, my interest has decreased, but with Podcasts, my addiction rises and then plummets... it's like a teenage relationship. While listening to a Podcast titled Happier by Gretchen Rubin she mentioned a quiz which tied into her book The Four Tendencies. Pretty much the quiz places you into one of four specific personalities. I took the quiz from Gretchen about 6 months ago and found out that I was an Obliger (more information coming). In her Podcast specifically she talks about all that encompasses happiness.. which is pretty much everything. She also involves her sister in the discussions which is nice because they are both so different, but they mesh really well together. I always leave the podcast with an opened mind and a desire to be a little bit better in some way.

You might be thinking.. okay... I know that she is an obliger, but what is this book even about? Don't worry, I will get there.

Let me tell you a little bit more about who I am as a person. I am a perfectionist, I have anxiety... and ultimately what I'm trying to say is that most of the time I'm great at meeting outer expectations and not so great at meeting the expectations that I have for myself. This means that when I have to do something for someone else, I put my all into it and try my best to produce the best product possible. With my internal expectations I really like to plan and try to meet them.. but I'm not the greatest at actually following through and meeting the goals that I have placed solely for myself and not for others. For instance I have a goal to have a clean apartment. If you saw my bedroom right now, you would have no idea how much of my clothing was clean or dirty..... oh the shame. This also means that when I don't meet outer expectations I can get really upset with myself! Something that is comforting though is the fact that the largest group of those who have taken the quiz actually fit in the obliger category! I am not alone!

Quiz Time

I mentioned taking the quiz, and I'm actually going to link her quiz here and I will let you go take it and find out what tendency you are and then come back to the review with a much different perspective! Plus if you explore her website, everything I say here will make a lot more sense.

 https://gretchenrubin.com/books/the-four-tendencies/take-the-quiz/

Welcome Back!

With the book that Gretchen Reubin wrote there are 4 different tendencies, duh Anna. Here is a pretty little diagram that she developed for her website which quickly gives you information concerning the four tendencies and their relationship with inner and outer expectations! BTW: All information/diagrams are developed by Gretchen Rubin. If anything, I am noting her brilliance and thanking her for her bright mind, because the way that I work as a person suddenly makes a lot more sense.

I will mostly give more information concerning how me as an obliger works, if you want a ton more information I would recommend just reading the book or look at her website! The cool thing that works with the tendencies and this diagram is the fact that even though I'm an obliger, I can also be an upholder or a rebel at times!! The way this works is that even though my main tendency is being an obliger, at times when there are too many outer expectations weighing me down, I can enter into an obliger rebellion which makes it so I almost can't function and revolt with any and all outer and inner expectations. Other times an obliger like myself can have moments when they are great at being their own boss and meeting inner and outer expectations well. I wish I was good at meeting all expectations 100% of the time, but sadly no deal. Do you connect with this, or do you think that you might connect to a different tendency?

Synopsis

Upholder: An upholder meets inner and outer expectations easily. This means that they love structure, love clear plans, and are super self-motivated and disciplined! These are the people that in my opinion work a 90 hour work week and wake up every morning at 4:30 for cross fit and then also volunteer for any and all charities because they've set their mind to it! They write things in their planner and then somehow do all of them no matter if they are tasks for themselves or others!
 
Obliger: This is where I fit!! Obligers again are really good at meeting outer expectations but not as good at meeting their own expectations. They work well when there is some sort of accountability whether its a friend, co-worker, or a coach. They do really well when there are things put in place that give someone a sense of duty. For instance I go to the gym not only because I want to be healthy, but my husband expects me to go, and I'm paying so I feel obliged to go because of that! Don't think that we can never say no though!! We as obligers will go crazy if we don't learn that word!

Questioner: Questioners meet their inner expectations but resist any outer expectations. This makes sense because they question everything but themselves! If someone tells them to do something then they are going to ask questions until they understand the purpose and reasoning behind the request/action. You have to make it clear what you want from them and help them understand! When I think of questioners I think of those three year old children that will ask you a million questions and still decide to do something contrary to what you asked them to. It makes sense to them, but they question you!! I'm sorry if you're in this section and I just compared you to a child.


Rebel: Rebel's are the smallest category which is super interesting! They defy outer and inner expectations. How you function this way, I have no idea? They want to be able to choose and express themselves in their own way. They need to understand consequences and ultimately it is up to them concerning anything that they decide. I'll be honest I don't know the best way to describe these people!! Surprisingly though a lot of entrepreneurs are in this group! They are outside the box thinkers. Taco bell anyone?


So you might be thinking... How does this work? How does this actually apply to my life? How does the book describe the tendencies and your relationships with co-workers, spouses, and your own family? The book goes in great detail concerning where you fit in with the tendency, what kind of jobs fit well with you, strengths and weaknesses of your tendency, and I love how the book teaches you how to teach and work with those of other tendencies as well! I've taken lessons from this book and actually used it in the way I work with people and the children that I interact with! Its amazing how understanding someone's personality actually helps you in your ability to interact, teach, and work with others!

Do I think that you can read one book and then understand the world completely, no... but I think that it is great to read books like this which teach us a lot about ourselves and how we work as people!

Check the book out, and maybe check out her blog as well! I haven't listened to any of the most recent podcasts that she's uploaded, but I actually have one opened right now that I might listen to when I'm getting ready for bed.

Let me know what you all think!!!

~Anna :)